Dear Hugo,

We just wanted to take some time to write you and let you know how
 things are going. It’s been a couple years since we last saw you. 
I’m so glad we found you, Hugo. From where our relationship was on
t he brink of divorce, you saved us! I am still amazed at how happy we
 are these days.

Perhaps all isn’t roses every day, but that’s reality. 
We’re able now to handle these ups and downs and talk things
 through. While we still do argue at times, we’re able to minimize the 
arguments and discuss things afterwards.

Just having an empathetic third party listening wouldn’t have been
 enough. Knowing how to direct the discussion towards the needed
 revelations took skill. Adding in your own experiences really put our
 situation in perspective. The relaxed atmosphere at your country office
was a definite plus.

These days too many people give up on a marriage not 
because of apathy, but more because of feeling there’s no options left
 to try. You gave us something that we could not have found on our 
own… a safe space with intelligent direction to work things out. The 
teachings and tools we learned from you about relationships are still with us.

Thank you, Hugo.

Sincerely,

Mike and Sandy Masquith __________________________________________________________

My husband Eric and I visited Hugo in Sept 2005 and both of our lives
have changed dramatically since the retreat. Before attending the
retreat we were arguing everyday, it seemed that every conversation
turned into a heated argument. We both were stuck in a cycle of constantly
putting one another down and saying extremely hurtful things. I realized
that our relationship was in serious trouble and decided to search
for help. I ran across Access Wisdom while searching the Internet.
I contacted Hugo immediately to set up a couples retreat for us so
that we could determine if we could renew our relationship. During
the weekend we made tremendous progress. Hugo was so good at keeping
the subject on task and not letting us leave a topic until we had
come to a solution. My biggest surprise was that we didn’t argue
or interrupt one another and we each were able to hear what the other
person had to say. I will also confess that I am not a person who
sheds tears very easily and I shed alot tears over entire weekend.
I felt like Hugo opened the door to help me heal from a very painful
childhood. After leaving the retreat I feel certain that my relationship
with everyone in my life has been forever changed. Hugo has provided
us with valuable and practical tools for everyday life. I highly recommend
Hugo’s couples retreat and after leaving decided to purchase phone
counseling so that when I feel I have a big decision to make in my
life or Eric and I have an issue that we cannot resolve Hugo is there
to help.

-Michelle, WV

My husband and I found Mr. Elfinstone when our relationship had reached
a critical crossroads. We had found ourselves in a cycle of crisis
that we were unable to break. While we were not sure whether we were
looking for help to stay together or part gracefully, both of us recognized
the need for outside intervention. We had both been dishonest, we
had both shut down our efforts to communicate and both of us were
experiencing an extreme sense of betrayal.

I found Access Wisdom as well as many other options from an internet
search. We wanted to make sure we found a professional who had similar
views of love and relationships to us and was not too academic in
their approach – more than anything we wanted the feel of a
trusted friend to help us unearth a deeper dialogue. We were able
to read all of Mr. Elfinstone’s articles and information regarding
the foundation for the AW process: personal insight and honest communication.
We both felt strongly he would be a good choice for us.

Our healing process began even before we arrived in Virginia with
the pre-work to the Couples Retreat. It provided a framework for self-reflection
and communication that we had not been able to touch upon without
the AW tools. It also gave us a great understanding of what to expect
once we were in the sessions.

When we met Hugo in person, he immediately disarmed any defenses
with his warmth. Hugo’s strong clinical skills guided us through
the customized process he’d outlined for us based on the pre-work.
Yet, his sensitive and easy manner made all of it feel very natural.
Before we knew it, both my husband and I, felt very comfortable sharing
and found ourselves delving into the root issues we had not been able
to discuss openly before.

The time we spent with Hugo gave us tremendous insight into our relationship
and the patterns that we had unconsciously manifested together. Most
importantly, we were each able to understand how the experiences from
our past had created patterns in our individual behavior long before
we’d found each other. Bringing these things into our awareness,
allowed us to target areas we could explore together and areas we
needed to work on alone.

My husband and I ultimately decided to separate. While there was
certainly sadness in the decision, we both feel confident that we
have made the right choice for us. We also didn’t feel that
we’d left important words unspoken or allowed our relationship
to slip away without a focused effort. The dialogue with Hugo prompted
us to bring buried emotions to the surface and resolve many of our
feelings of hurt and conflict. We did not feel confident in our ability
to break the toxic cycles in our relationships until we had healed
our individual spirits. We didn’t think we could do that from
inside the relationship.

Hugo had provided useful tools in the session as an aftercare plan.
My husband and I used several of those tools to help us work through
our separation. They were very useful in helping us to express our
emotions in honest and respectful ways as we were bringing closure
to our relationship. . I fear how our relationship would have ended
if we had not gone to Access Wisdom for help.

We both sincerely cherish the time we spent on the Retreat. Our sessions
with Hugo broke down protective walls both of us were hiding behind.
We left each day feeling closer to our true selves and to one and
other. We were free to reconnect without corruption of misguided perceptions
and expectations. It was a really beautiful time. Those are treasured
memories we would not have had without Hugo.

-Rachael/Kevin, PA

_________________________________________________________

I recently spent a weekend with Hugh engaged in intense couples retreat.
It was a full two days to discuss some issues my fiancé and
I were having. My expectations were not very high and from the outset
it seemed strange to travel a long distance to listen to a person
that I never met tell me what is wrong with my relationship. This
was, however, not the case. Hugo was very sensitive to the fact that
this might seem strange to us and was able to put both of us at ease
and make us feel very comfortable. His approach was simple: the three
of us just talked. He did not impose any theories or abstract philosophies
on us that must be learned to achieve a successful relationship. And
his real talent became obvious to me when I looked up and the day
was almost over. I felt as if we discussed so many issues, but only
scratched the surface. It was cathartic and I really knew progress
had been achieved and I was headed down a different road.

At the close of the weekend, I can say that we really felt good and
a little more enlightened on life and ourselves. And this was a surprise
because I anticipated driving home in silence with my fiancé.
Hugo really provided spiritual and realistic insight into the work
it takes for one to be in a healthy and fruitful relationship. He
is able to bring out love in people. He offered some great tools for
communication and his friendship. Hugo is a good man and I believe
every life he touches results in a positive affect.

-Tim, Boston

I searched and searched the Internet for a couple’s retreat that
would work for me and my husband. Because we had never participated
in counseling together and my husband was not 100% sold on the idea,
I knew I had to find just the right counselor and setting…and Access
Wisdom offered both of those. Hugo Elfinstone was extremely helpful
as he guided me through the process of speaking with my husband and
making the decision as to whether or not to pursue counseling.

Thankfully, we did eventually choose to meet with Hugo for a two-day
retreat and, although still a little hesitant, my husband ended up
thoroughly enjoying the whole experience. And for me, it was exactly
the weekend I had hoped for…my husband and I reconnected and even
grew in our relationship; we enjoyed two days away from work and our
3-year-old child to just focus on each other; and most importantly,
through Hugo’s wisdom and “coaching,” we remembered why
we loved each other and wanted to stay together as a couple.

-Barbara, Maryland

“I learned and healed more in the six months of individual sessions
with Hugo Elfinstone then the 5 previous years I spent in therapy.
I find it calming just to be in his presence. There is something very
gentle, quite, kind and to the point about him. I also learned a lot
attending his Love that lasts workshops and the couple’s counseling
sessions I had were extremely powerful! I really feel like I have
come out of my shell. Lastly, I found his meditation cd’s to
be very effective at lowering my anxiety, reducing my stress, and
allowing more peace within me to emerge.”

-Barry, MA

“For me Hugo Elfinstone embodies many of the qualities I desire
in someone who provides support in my life. I appreciate the fact
that he lets me speak without interruption or judgment. His questions
are thoughtful and insightful, and his reflections from his own experiences
enable me to see my own issues more clearly. His wonderful sense of
humor ensures that time spent with him is not purely clinical but
is refreshing and full of real self-discovery.”

-Hedley, VA/UK

Over the last several years, Hugo’s council has been what has
empowered me to be able to create a very unusual life for a man of
my age (62). I quite my job of 23 years which I was very un-happy
doing and started to create a life that was far more fun and creative
than I had ever imagined possible. I have far fewer moments of doubt,
which had plagued me for decades. I make less money now then when
I worked a “regular job” and have more money to “not”
spend than I ever had before. I feel more alive and optimistic about
the every day of my life and I seem to be growing more and more in
the feeling of gratitude for my life.

-Jerry, VA

To write about my experience with Hugo Elfinstone would fill volumes
but I will keep it short and too the point. Hugo Elfinstone is a truly
great friend and someone who is open, warm and comfortable to be with.
Upon my initial meeting with Hugo through a mutual friend I immediately
felt as if we had been long time acquaintances. It seemed only natural
to be around him and to talk about anything or nothing at all. Some
time later I sought him out for his counsel regarding my own personal
path and growth. The insightfulness that Hugo displayed in his loving
way was astounding and his way of facilitating my own change was a
wonderful gift.

I have had the pleasure of being involved with various workshops facilitated
by Hugo and the one feeling that permeates throughout the entire environment
is that of love and acceptance. Within moments, regardless of the
amount of participants all present feel comfortable and at home with
one another and this is due largely to the way Hugo moves through
the space and interacts with others. Hugo makes anyone feel at ease
to just be.

-Scott, VA

Hugo has been helping me deal with issues from the heart since April.
I never thought that I needed help from a stranger and was very reluctant
to contact someone and reach out for advice. Since the first time
I spoke with Hugo, something happened in me that is very difficult
to explain, I heard in his voice an honest and sincere desire to help
me, he instantly made me feel extremely comfortable and at ease to
open up and share my fears and problems. I still have a ways to go,
but I know that with Hugo’s guidance and patience I can be the
person I want to be. I look forward to our conversations every week.

He’s been a blessing in my life!!

-Diana, D.C.

Back to: Couples Retreats

Also see books: Transformative Love , Compassionate Honesty